An elective abortion is often presented as a simple outpatient procedure. A woman goes into the clinic with an unwanted pregnancy and comes out with the problem gone. In speaking with women who have had abortions for many different reasons, we come to understand, however, that it is rarely that simple.
Few of us plan for a problem pregnancy, but birth control can easily fail or be forgotten. We often do not discuss the possibility of pregnancy with our partners beforehand, assuming that it won't happen to us. When the pregnancy test reads positive it's a tremendous shock -- even though that nagging little voice in the back of our minds told us we were pregnant weeks ago.
The problem seems insurmountable. So many other things are going on in our lives and there's no room for a baby. The frustration gives way to panic, fear, and confusion. Sometimes a boyfriend or relative is upset and embarrassed by the situation and insists that the pregnancy end. Desperate to "take care of the problem" an abortion seems like the easiest route. We are not ready for a baby and can trust no one to be supportive in the choice to give birth.
Many of us had strong convictions about abortion prior to facing an unplanned pregnancy. Although we may consider ourselves pro-life, our own dilemma overrides our beliefs. For those of us who considered ourselves pro-choice, this is an opportunity to take advantage of our "right to choose." Then there are others who never really thought much about the abortion issue, and in the face of a crisis pregnancy circumstantial problems take precedence. But despite our varied convictions, to most of us abortion seems like a terrible route -- but the only way out.
The abortion procedure is never as simple as it sounds... many of us weep on the inside, if not outwardly.The abortion procedure is never as simple as it sounds. Inside the abortion clinic, many of us weep on the inside, if not outwardly, knowing that the life within will soon be extinguished. We pay the $300, or maybe our insurance covers it, and sign the paper work without reading it. No one tells us about other options. The doctor administers anesthesia, then suctions the unknown life out of our womb with a long tube. The procedure is over. Usually relief follows, but nothing's quite the same anymore. It's the very rare woman who is able to put the incident behind her and go on with life as usual. Most of us try to forget, but we can't. We have deep feelings of pain that grow stronger as time goes on.
What you might experience.
Almost all of us experience depression, guilt, relationship problems, and even nightmares, but we think we're alone. Many regret the choice we made, wishing we could go back and do it again differently. In fact many of us get pregnant again to somehow replace the baby we aborted. When this happens, it's called an "atonement baby," but we just think of it as undoing the horrible mistake we made. Tragically, this atonement child may also be aborted as we face the same overwhelming problems which confronted us the first time we became pregnant. Multiple abortions drive us further into despair.
Sometimes the grief is triggered by other events -- a wanted pregnancy and childbirth, a sudden death, or even seeing pictures of unborn children unexpectedly. Some of us turn to drugs and alcohol for comfort. Some struggle with anxiety, loneliness, and sense of separation from God. When we go to church we feel like fakes, so we stop going. Maybe we stop praying too. Some of us become promiscuous, sleeping with guy after guy in a desperate search for understanding and love. Others shut down completely, wanting nothing more to do with the opposite sex.
Don't be afraid to get help
Some seek therapy, but don't connect the abortion to our problems. The grief can be so intense that some of us even contemplate suicide. Many of us have never told anyone about our abortions, even lying to the people we love to keep it a secret. Others of us have tried to express the pain but are told by others to "get over it."
We start to hate the people involved in the abortion decision, including ourselves. These unresolved feelings infiltrate every aspect of our lives, poisoning our innermost being and our relationships with others.
Physical Wounds
A few of us were damaged physically by the abortion as well. Maybe we lost a lot of blood and had to be rushed to the hospital for a transfusion. Maybe we found that our menstrual cycles were never the same as before. Maybe we miscarried a planned pregnancy. And a few of us were left infertile after aborting the only baby we could ever have. Perhaps we felt that God was punishing us for what we did to the child He gave us, and we deserve the damage done to our bodies. Or maybe we're angry that "safe, legal abortion" wasn't so safe after all. These thoughts only compound our guilt, anger, and self-loathing.
Grace is Our Answer
There is no sin that God will not forgive, except that of not accepting His forgiveness. Your abortion is just one of the sins that nailed Jesus to the cross. Just before He died, Jesus prayed:
"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
Luke 23:34
He wants to forgive you, too; every woman who has had an abortion, every man who has asked a woman to abort their child, anyone involved in helping someone else obtain an abortion, anyone doing abortions.
Forgiveness
To enjoy His forgiveness, you must: admit to yourself and to God that abortion is sin, reject abortion as a way out of tough situations in the future, and ask God for the forgiveness that He is so happy to give
He is eager to forgive your sin, give you new life, and take away the penalty - eternal death - for sin
In Romans 8:1 God promises: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Likewise, you will not be condemned by those who follow Jesus, because they have been instructed to
"be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32).
Seek out the followers of Jesus in your community for encouragement in your new life. Volunteer advocates at the Care Net Crisis Pregnancy Centers of Amarillo can help if you need support in overcoming feelings of guilt over a past abortion.
If this is you, the good news is that you are not alone. Help and healing are possible, but it is important to talk about your feelings with someone you trust. To facilitate this process, the CareNet Pregnancy Centers offer help for the post-abortion woman. Call us at 806.354.2288 to speak to someone who knows what you're going through. Or call our 24 hour helpline at 806.354.2244, or 806.350.7584 (Se Habla Español).
Source: Reprinted from Epigee Pregnancy Resource. Copyright Terwilliger Web Development Services, 2005. Used with permission.